The Creek of the Edmung Fitzcarraldo
Ola and Kari Dunk stared down the vale and the vale stared back with contempt. « That would look so much better with a six-lane highway lined with strip malls! » they declared, and plunged down the hillside until they came to the hobbithole of The Right Reverend Mr.-or-Mrs. Frump.
« Frump, » they said, « We're gonna build a six-lane highway lined with strip malls right through here! Aren't you totally excited or some junk? »
« What? Right here? You want to demolish my hobbithole and my Creek of Piety? » Frump demanded.
« Like, yeah, » the Dunks replied. « But you'll have a new, better house. We'll get you a double-wide trailer and bolt it to the side of an Arby's and it'll be totally radical. »
« Um, that doesn't sound better, » grumped Frump.
« Yeah, it'll be awesome, » the Dunks continued. « But if you don't like it, there's no problem. We'll just demolish your double-wide and get you a pre-fab polystyrene shack that you can staple to the side of a Borders. Anyhoo, you have no choice, so you might as well just embrace it! »
As they moved down the line, they encountered people who were willing to part with their homes for a promise of progress, and people who were more resistant than The Right Reverend Mr.-or-Mrs. Frump.
Days passed, and on each day a few people would climb to the Dunks' château and plead with them not to demolish their homes, and on each day some people would circuit the homes of the vale, offering various opinions.
One group comprised Fulano, Mengano, and Zutano, and one one occasion this group bivouacked on the prow of the hobbitboat Sloop Johnny Five. When Frangelico Admiral Lady Bernard da Gamboa approached to confront the trespassers, Fulano shouted, « Ha! Ha! You are being divisive and not a team player! » and Mengano shouted, « Ha! Ha! You are fucking assholes for being uncooperative and preventing us from getting a Filene's Basement! Why can't you just submit to the demolition and see what happens? It can't possibly be that bad! » and Zutano said, « Ha! Ha! This is not in actuality a sloop! » and Frangelico Admiral Lady Bernard da Gamboa chased them overboard with a sugar cane.
Up in the château, the Dunks were negotiating real estate contracts. « This is totally gonna be good for the vale! » said the Dunks, and Fast Food Franchiser LeRoy said, « Damn right it's gonna be good for the... for the what? » and Corporate Conrad said, « Look, we need to get this construction underway before the end of the fiscal year, or there's gonna be trouble, so let's get this done soon, a'ight? »
So the Dunks donned their Amulets of Eminent Domain and waltzed deftly into the vale and muttered, « Look, um, we can't build this highway all by ourselves, so you're gonna have to help us. »
Fulano, Mengano, and Zutano cheered. « Karel Novak, go help Ola and Kari, while we argue about politics on Usenet! » they cheerfully suggested, and Karel Novak joined the Dunks.
Frump and da Gamboa gestured obscenely toward the demolitionists.
Janez Novak (no relation to Karel) screamed out, « HOW CAN YOU BE SO RUDE TO YOUR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS? THEY HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING TO DESERVE THAT! THEY ARE JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU! ANYHOO, THERE HAS BEEN CONSTRUCTION IN THE VALE BEFORE; HOW DO YOU THINK YOUR HOMES WERE BUILT? », Jon Dilianger-Heys prepared a nice mushroom salad, and Corporate Conrad tapped her watch.