This is a game. The objective is to guess which authors of fantasy literature are being lampooned in the following passages. Do not make the mistake of assuming that I am interested in your guesses.

Number one

Brando al'Piprin sat quietly in the tower, communing psychically with wolves, while Matth Broondybook stood in the courtyard, quizzically eying the Mountains of Dhestiny. Elminaynendha burst in on Brando, exclaimed, “I love you,” kissed him, screamed, “I hate you,” slapped him, and ran out.

Brando sighed. “Women are so confusing!” he muttered loudly. “Maybe Matth can give me some pointers on how to deal with them. Matth really understands women.”

Elminaynendha bumped into Matth in the courtyard, and gave him a brazen glare. “Women are so strange”, Matth thought to himself. “How does Brando juggle eight of them? He really understands women.”

Number two

Brando al'Piprin sat quietly in the tower, communing psychically with wolves, while Matth Broondybook stood in the courtyard, quizzically eying the Mountains of Dhestiny. Laestaer al'Piprin burst in on Brando, exclaimed, “I am King this week, brother,” and raped him.

Meanwhile, Arwyn al'Piprin dressed as a boy and went to the stables with her father's sword. Some guards apprehended and raped her. “Did you hear,” one gossiped, “that the Cannister boy is the product of incestuous union?” The other guards responded by raping him.

Number three

Raaiserfore awoke, rubbed some pine-scented oil on his torso, donned a red tunic, rusty hauberk, and a blood-stained chapeau bras. From the innkeeper he ordered a breakfast of lentils, local ferns, lentils, squab pigeon, lentils, lentils, and lentils.

“Would anyone care for a game of dice?” he inquired.

“Sure,” replied a man with one eye, no teeth, and an enormous dagger, “but let's use my dice. Yours look a bit strange.”

Raiiserfore eyed the man's dice briefly, and exclaimed, “I have just now remembered a previous engagement!” He quickly made his exit, stabbed three bandits to death, hijacked a boat, and sailed it 1200 miles to the city of Maandaak.

He checked into an inn, and ordered a meal of lentils, lentils, turnips, lentils, bread, and lentils. Looking around, he asked, “Would anyone care for a game of dice?”