Solid ground, lost and found

I am shocked and appalled that the Debian Inquirer has squelched its sixteen-page, four-color article about Debian's bar/bat mitzvah this month.

My sources tell me that the article discussed in great detail the knishes, the blintzes, the challah, the rugelach, the Manischewitz loganberry surprise, the hummus, those homosexual Italian things, the Jews, the goyim, Belkinsauce the cat rubbing his hindquarters in the egg salad, the light-switch antics, the discussion of Diane Lane's bizarre transformation, the boasting of mad phat Journey skillZ, the disgusting spectacle created by Asshands, the revelation of gay wikipedia vandalists, the Jewish penis competition, festival reading the Torah, some kind of shell tricks competition, some underage girl brought for “tea” purposes, fun facts about Mr. De Cock, and phoned-in porn play-by-play.

Among other things, the article left out the most sinister and disturbing aspect of this celebration: the Star Trek conspiracy. Maybe it was just too subtle, or maybe they just don't want you to know.

I can point to these examples: Barbie sneaked the Picard Song into the Quod Libet queue. There was rantful discourse about Star Trek: Episode 1. Barbie's recently acquired trinket was not actually a token of gay alliance, but an artifact from Star Trek season 3, episode 27, “The Valley of the Rainbow Mezuzot”.

However, what really tops the list is the floating image of Lt. Worf with white stuff on his upper lip in the wee hours of the morning. That's just. Unnatural. As unnatural. As sugar-free “Vermont maple syrup”. As unusual as Mary J. Blige & U2.