This tirade against French is amusing.
Posted Sat Oct 1 13:03:04 2005| You Should Learn English |
![[nobear]](http://ximg.scru.org/images/english.jpg)
You walked the strip,
with just a clip. Who want a hit? They got on quick. You had to eat. This money's good as spit. From commas to capitals, you are different than, you think. Greetings ! |
« Get off the MUSH! » Tom pleaded.
« Just a minute! » Corinne replied. « I'm marrying the Bajoran ambassador. »
« We're going to be late! » he whimpered.
« Yes, dear, » she murmured, not looking away from the monitor.
Tom sat down, logged into the MUSH, and typed p Tara=heyas
Seconds later, a line appeared on his screen.
Tara pages: LOL
He logged out of the MUSH and tapped his forehead against the desk.
A minute later, Corinne said, « Okay, let's go. » They donned their cloaks and stepped outside. Tom commented that it was getting dark, and they hurried along the path all the way to the forest primeval.
« You guys are just in time! » shouted Amber-Lynn, beckoning for them to join the circle.
« Hey, Amber-Lynn! » Corinne squealed.
« Hey, Greta! Hey, Andy! » she added, and continued greeting everyone in the circle.
« Hey! »
« Hey! »
« Hey! »
« Hey! »
« Hiya! »
« Hey! »
« Hey! »
Tom smiled and waved at everybody. « What's up with him? » he asked, gesturing to the boy who was pretending very intently to tend a herd of goats.
Greta snorted. « She broke him, that's what. »
« That bitch! » Corinne muttered. « All she cares about is getting her cunt filled. »
« Language! » Tom exclaimed. « Don't be so crude! »
« Well, it's true! » she grumped.
« Okay, people! The Equinox is approaching! » Amber-Lynn announced. She withdrew from her cloak a ceremonial dagger, and held it up for all to see.
One by one, they cut their palms and bled into a chalice. When the knife had returned to Amber-Lynn, she cleaned it off and sheathed it. Then she held the chalice up to the sky and intoned, « We offer this, our life's blood, to the Sacred Mother. » They completed the ceremony without error, and proceeded to snuggle in small groups.
Some time later, Tom's bladder hinted that it had an urgent matter for his attention. He extricated himself from a pile of humans, and wandered off to relieve himself. On the way back, he veered to confront the boy sitting sadly on a rock next to the goats.
« Why so glum, Geoff? » Tom inquired.
« I hate her! » Geoff shrieked, his voice cracking. « She said that she cared about me, but she didn't! She doesn't care about anybody but herself! »
Tom feared that he was in over his head, yet said, « Maybe she does care about you. »
« What? Did she say something to you? »
« Er, no. » Tom began to feel pangs of regret as Geoff appeared more and more crestfallen. « I've never spoken to her. »
Geoff buried his head between his knees and rocked back and forth, and Tom walked sheepishly back to where Corinne was dozing.
« Follow me, » he said, after he gently shook her awake. He led her by the hand to a grassy, open spot. She stood, teetering groggily, rubbing her eyes and yawning.
« Dance with me, » he said.
She smiled sleepily. They swayed together, with their eyes closed, not watching the moonlight glisten on their skin, not paying attention to the noises of the nocturnal creatures. They both swayed to music playing only in their heads. For some, it's hard to dance that way. For Corinne and Tom on this night, it seemed to come naturally: their two souls acting in concert, exchanging feelings, not words. They breathed in the scents of each other's hair, and basked in the warmth of their terpsichorean embrace.
When the sun rose, they walked, hand in hand, back toward the place where they had left the others.
« I love you, » Tom said.
« Promise you'll never leave me, » Corinne demanded.
« I promise, » he replied.
« I'll love you forever, » she said, almost as if in exchange.
They woke the others, said their farewells, and trudged home.
Posted Mon Oct 3 14:50:01 2005People around here do not consider things like this or this to be animal cruelty.
And what the hell is this?
Posted Mon Oct 3 16:51:51 2005When I linked to an amusing rant about expression in French, I was contradicted by the peanut gallery. Unfortunately, no one was considerate enough to blog an explanation of why the piece was not, in fact, amusing; therefore, I cannot link to such.
However, Jean-Michel Kelbert was kind enough to blog in French about a completely unrelated topic. He does not use the words garçon, fille; tiède; chaud; any forms of the words aimer, baiser, embrasser; or even le weekend. He does use the word digital-shopping, but since it's the name of the website, there's nothing funny about that.
Now, for those playing at home, here is the challenge. Write a paragraph or two (in French), using all the French words above, and make sure it is not amusing in any way. You may use baiser as a noun if you wish to avoid vulgarity.
Do not, under any circumstances, email me your answers.
Posted Mon Oct 3 18:31:07 2005Char, you neglected to mention just how campy your favorite movie is.
Posted Mon Oct 3 22:20:23 2005At least they don't make the dolphins wear Halloween costumes.
Posted Tue Oct 4 10:59:13 2005Four or five days later, Tom and Corinne lay in bed, quietly seeking Morpheus, but they did not find him. Instead, an unfamiliar figure appeared to them from the world of dreams. She was wearing a white satin dress, and her raven hair was pulled back a bit too tightly. From above her prominent nose, blazing eyes looked downward, staring intently at the candle she held at waist-height. As its flame cast light which danced across her face, she beckoned. A haunting melody began to play from somewhere far behind her. She looked up. Everything faded to white.
| Corinne's dream | Tom's dream |
|---|---|
|
Corinne found herself swimming through the brightness, and slowly the white light dimmed. She began to see shapes moving about in the distance. Were they protists? No—they seemed to be whales. As the light continued to dim, she realized that she was in the ocean. A dugong passed by, following by a manatee. Then a marmot darted straight at her and stopped an arm's length from her face. « What is your business here? » it demanded officiously. « I seek mine own heart's desire, » she replied, in a voice that was not her own. « That path is closed to you! » the marmot shrieked angrily. « How can you breathe underwater? » Corinne asked, in her own voice. « I have special dispensation, » the marmot replied arrogantly. « What you should be asking is how you can breathe underwater. » Corinne thought about this. « You think you're so smart, » crowed the marmot gleefully. « You're not! You're faking it. You can't breathe underwater! » Corinne's lungs filled with water, and everything faded to black. When she awoke, she had washed up on a sandy beach. She coughed painfully and tried to drain the water from her ear. Then she squinted and looked around. There were palm trees bearing coconuts. Was that a toucan? It was. Was it gesturing at her? She lifted herself up and crawled on her hands and knees to where the toucan stood. The toucan spoke. « I am the Toucan. I rule this realm, from the sand to the sea, from the air to the water. You are my champion. You are my hope. You will not fail me, or you will die. » « What? » The answer came in the form of a sharp, sickening pain that seemed to constrict all of her internal organs. |
Tom found himself floating in the white. A white door opened, revealing a black passageway. Tom tried to move to it, but he was weightless and unable to propel himself. He closed his eyes and envisioned himself moving toward the opening, and when he looked again, he was floating slowly toward the door. From the black passageway, a man wearing gold-lamé overalls and an oxygen mask pushed off the wall and cruised to intercept him. « What is your business here? » the man asked officiously. « I seek mine own heart's desire, » he replied, in a voice that was not his own. « That path is closed to you! » the man shrieked angrily. « Why are you wearing that mask? » Tom asked, in his own voice. « Because I need air to breathe, » the man replied matter-of-factly. « What you should be asking is how you are surviving without any oxygen. » Tom thought about this. « You're not very intelligent, » the man declared. « You're completely unprepared. You're not surviving without oxygen! » Tom gasped, trying to breathe in air that wasn't there. Soon, everything faded to black. When he awoke, he was in a hospital bed, connected to a respirator and an IV drip. He blinked several times and looked around. There were strange glowing crystals, in red and green. There was a man in a space suit. It bounced over to him and sat by the bed. Tom peered through the helmet, and started when he saw that there was no one inside the suit. The space suit spoke. « I am the Astronaut. You will serve me, or you will die. » « What? » The answer came in the form of a sharp, sickening pain that seemed to constrict all of his internal organs. |
Tom and Corinne sat up in bed, both sweating profusely. Their hearts were palpitating like crazy, and they twitched a bit before looking at one another.
« Bad dream? »
« Bad dream. »
They calmed down, fixed the twisted bed covers, snuggled together, and went back to sleep.
They did not reach down to get their laptops. They did not record their dreams in their dream journals. They did not present their dreams to one another. Corinne did not get to point out that Tom had misspelled “astronaut”. By dawn, all was forgotten.
Posted Tue Oct 4 13:43:17 2005AutoSIG, TapCIS, ejryam
Pro-YAM? ZCOMM?
Pro-YAM? ZCOMM?
Recognizing Tom Neff's PPN on sight
CB Simulator, where you might have seen something like
<astronut> Clint: both astronauts look correct?
But you didn't.
Posted Wed Oct 5 18:12:27 2005Three or four weeks later, Jared hosted a party. Jared was known for his parties, for being able to play the zither (though he had never played publicly), and for taking a great many photographs of naked people.
Geoff sat alone by himself, looking dejected. A few people were foolish enough to try to talk to him, and they were summarily snapped at.
« Why did he come to a party to be antisocial? » Tom wondered aloud.
« Because that bitch has got him under her spell, » Corinne seethed in reply.
Tom glanced over to where Geoff was pretending not to look. A circle of boys were puffing out their chests. In the middle of the circle sat a girl, garbed in a lacy white gown. She was an elfin creature, and her name was Leigh.
« Some guy from the MUSH is gonna be here tonight, » Corinne mumbled.
« Which one? »
« Victor. He plays a science officer on the Intrepid. »
« What's the science officer's name? »
« Victor. »
« What's his real name? »
« Victor. Pay attention! »
« Oh. »
Greta walked over. « Do you see that? » she asked, tilting her head toward Leigh.
« Yeah, » Corinne sighed.
A tall, thin boy with green eyes approached. « Are you Corinne? » he asked Greta.
« No, I am, » Corinne declared, waving abortively.
« Oh, sorry, » the boy squeaked. « I'm Victor. »
The conversation turned to a particular MUSH subplot in which Tom had little interest. « Excuse me, » he murmured, and wandered over to Geoff.
Geoff was curled up in the fetal position, and was unresponsive to conversation. Tom gave up, and made a beeline for Leigh.
« Angelo, you're so muscular, » Leigh giggled, feeling Angelo's chest.
« Leigh, what did you do to Geoff? » Tom interrupted.
Leigh slipped her hands out from under Angelo's shirt. « It's Tom, right? » she asked, eying him quizzically.
« Yeah. »
« Tom, I didn't do anything to Geoff. »
« Then why is Geoff over there in a coma? »
« Geoff did that to himself. »
« Oh, my mistake. » Tom rolled his eyes and plodded back toward Corinne and Victor. Greta had apparently tired of the MUSH talk as well.
Before he reached his destination, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He whirled around abruptly to find Leigh standing there.
« Wait, » she said. « Why does everyone think I did something to Geoff? »
« Do you really have no idea? »
« Let's go somewhere so you can explain it to me. » She beckoned for him to follow, and moved lithely toward somewhere he presumed must be more private.
He looked to the circle of boys, now falling apart. They craned their heads around, looking for some other group upon which to latch upon.
He looked to Corinne and Victor, still chatting intently.
He looked to himself, and thought that he was about to make a terrible decision.
Then he followed Leigh.
Posted Thu Oct 6 12:48:21 2005I saw the phrase “phylum bitches” here, and am disappointed to discover her blog is the first hit on a Google search for those two words.
Posted Fri Oct 7 15:16:04 2005He was trying to to get into her pants while her boyfriend was away. She was enjoying it.
He was over being inappropriately honest with someone else. She said to me, « I can't believe he's being so honest. I would totally be lying about it. » She was telling the truth.
I asked her if that was generally true about her. « In situations like this, » she said.
He finished his honesty and came over. She shared a theory about another liar. « I have Ethics, » he said, deceptively trying to seduce her.
Later she claimed that subjugating another human being is only unethical if it is done without transparency. I recall that her boyfriend is required to agree with her when she is present. When she is not present, he is free to share his true opinions.
I left the two of them alone to continue their barnyard dance.
Posted Wed Oct 12 10:22:58 2005She said, « English people don't really pay attention to themselves. »
« Huh? » he said.
« Like, if you ask them how they feel about something, they won't know. »
Posted Wed Oct 12 11:31:15 2005« All the women in her family are like that, » she said. « They're all attracted to abusive people. They think that if they love someone enough that they'll stop being abusive. »
« Hmm, » he said.
« Yeah, luckily she's starting to get over that. »
Posted Wed Oct 12 12:55:50 2005This is dedicated to Bruce. No, not that Bruce. I've changed some of the details, not to protect anyone from embarrassment, but to enhance humor value.
Posted Wed Oct 12 14:03:37 2005I started dating this guy from the Taco Bell. He said he was independently wealthy but he liked to work at Taco Bell for fun.
Six months later, I asked him why he kept borrowing money from me if he was so rich. He explained that all his money was tied up in an investment with his friend.
A year later I found out that he was married and had kids. I asked him why he lied to me, and he said that it was because he didn't want me to get the wrong idea. I said that that was unacceptable. So we transitioned our relationship into a friendship, and I kept having sex with him.
He said that he was thinking about trying to be a good husband and father, but I told him that that wasn't fair to his wife and kids. He called me his sexy girl.
He introduced me to his friend's wife. She said that she wasn't his friend's wife; she was his wife. He denied it. I asked him why he'd lie about his wife. He got mad and stormed off.
I wonder if he still loves me.
« I'm not smart enough for that, » she protested.
« Yes, you are, » he insisted. « You're really, really smart. » He wouldn't have said that to a man of comparable intelligence, but she had a cute little ass.
Posted Thu Oct 13 10:42:17 2005„Sagt mal, was ist eigentlich der Sinn hinter Clint Adams' blog?!” fragte sie.
„da gibt es keinen sinn”, meinte er.
„das scheint mir auch so”, antwortete sie.
Posted Thu Oct 13 11:56:21 2005I am impressed by the ability of someone to distinguish on sight a Missouri resident from an Iowan.
Posted Thu Oct 13 13:10:28 2005Phil,
You've left the apostrophe in; some people say that this is incorrect.
Posted Thu Oct 13 14:13:29 2005I'd like to thank Phil and everyone else who has contributed relevant information regarding German grammar, to those who have sent fanmail, and to those who have used the word Müll or otherwise indicated their displeasure.
Not too long ago, a strangely amazing person showed me a unique facet of the power of simple expressions of gratitude. Or perhaps I hallucinated that.
Posted Thu Oct 13 16:15:12 2005Thanks to Christian Perrier, add-shell and remove-shell have moved from passwd to debianutils.
Posted Fri Oct 14 09:17:40 2005I agree that the Seuss glyphs are awesome, but where can I get a nice free font that contains them?
Posted Fri Oct 14 10:31:36 2005The person who wrote this has a Master's degree and earns more than US$200,000/year:
Posted Fri Oct 14 11:00:02 2005This effort will likely be a phased solutions with progressive step wise sophistication.
« My girlfriend is so annoying, » he said. « She keeps asking me if she's a bad person for thinking this or that. » He whined mockingly, « “Does it make me a bad person if I don't care about hurricane victims?” So I just shrug and say I don't know. »
« What you should do, » I said, « is, no matter what she says, to tell her that she is, in fact, a horrible person for thinking whatever it is that she is thinking. »
« No, » she barked, shooting me a disapproving look. « You should always tell her that she's not a bad person. »
I was disappointed. I wonder if she and her husband lie to each other regularly.
Posted Fri Oct 14 11:38:27 2005Greta wandered over to where Amber-Lynn was sitting, looking bored. She was amidst a group of girls dressed mostly in black, sporting nose rings, and chain-smoking light cigarettes.
« So I was walking by, and I saw him fondling his girlfriend's best friend! I can't believe he would do that. It was disgusting, » one was saying.
« So was this a long time before he started going out with you? » another asked.
« Hmm, maybe a month? »
« Is he still fooling around with her or his ex-girlfriend? »
« He'd better not be. »
Greta waved to Amber-Lynn and moved on.
A young girl was surrounded by a group of boys. When one would impugn her character, she would giggle and hit him playfully. Greta heard one mumble to another, « So, I finally broke down and bought the new album. »
The other laughed, and the girl whirled around angrily. « What did you say? » she demanded. « What did you say about me? »
« I didn't say anything about you, » he replied. The other snickered.
« Yes, you did, » she insisted. « Tell me what it was! »
« Relax, you crazy whore. »
She hit him playfully. Greta moved on.
Meanwhile, Leigh was explaining to Tom that she never meant to hurt anybody. « I never mean to hurt anybody, » she said. « It just happens. »
Meanwhile, Victor was explaining his theory of why MUSH girls were better in bed. Corinne was giggling.
Meanwhile, Jared was lighting his pants on fire.
« … so I says to him, “Don't be fucking with the Aes Sedai!” And he ignored me! » someone was whining.
Greta quickly moved on.
Geoff was looking around anxiously.
« Looking for someone? » she asked.
« No, » he lied.
« She is so not worth your time. »
« I don't know what you're talking about. »
« Realistically, you can either pull yourself together and ignore her, or you can dedicate your every waking moment to making her life miserable. Much as I'd like to see you do the latter, you should be forewarned that she will manipulate a group of men as stupid and delusional as you into fighting her battles for her. »
« Shut up. What do you know? Fuck you! You're just jealous. » Geoff curled into a ball.
Greta rolled her eyes at him. « You're not going to win her back. She's done toying with you. Later, Eeyore. »
Greta moved on.
[...]
Posted Fri Oct 14 14:50:52 2005We forced them to ally
Then we mocked them for clinging together
Then we mocked them for falling apart
They never had a chance
All the keyboards I use these days suck. Thinking back, I can only recall two keyboards that I actually enjoyed.
The first was the Northgate OmniKey/ULTRA.
![[Northgate]](http://www.amiga-hardware.com/download_photos/omnikeyultra_big.jpg)
I don't remember what the second one was, but it was a “natural” ergonomic shape and had a built-in trackpad.
Posted Mon Oct 17 16:42:33 2005« I'm gonna be brave, » said the man in the striped Ralph Lauren shirt, as he cut into the bland and non-threatening grana padano.
« Every time you say “Anita”, I'm gonna say “hummer”. » the yuppie hipster chortled. « Anita Hummer! »
His aging female companion shoved him playfully.
« No musical chairs! » shouted the man in the striped Ralph Lauren shirt.
« Howdy, I'm Spike MacLure, » said the man claiming to be Spike MacLure.
« Yes, that's my real name, » said the man claiming to be Spike MacLure.
« It really is, » said the man claiming to be Spike MacLure.
« Let there be blue! » cackled the man in the striped Ralph Lauren shirt.
« I've got a backyard, » said the man claiming to be Spike MacLure.
« This is my house! » lied the man in the striped Ralph Lauren shirt.
Posted Tue Oct 18 15:35:52 2005If I'm in Times Square, why is there a sign that says „Sex Kino — Ganz in Farbe?” And if I'm wearing a tuxedo, why am I holding a paper Air France bag? And if my hair is curly, why is it red?
And if the Horned King is watching the Telmarines amass an army, why am I going to Belgrade? And if I'm in Belgrade, why am I entertaining 12 people for $170? No, why am I entertaining 17 people for $40? Why am I entertaining anyone if I have the Horned King to worry about?
If that was Bob Arctor, why wasn't he wearing his scramble suit? If I'm flying above the city, carried on the wings of angels, why is some little boy telling me that I'm distasteful?
If I'm in a heated argument about Tim Burton movies, why in the hell is someone claiming that Magnolia is worth watching?
And if I'm blogging, why in God's name am I not talking about keyboards?
Posted Wed Oct 19 00:01:36 2005She was raped a few months before I met her. Her brother noted that she liked to surround herself with puny guys, but the boyfriend she snagged a few months after I met her was a bit older, strong, and violent. Their affair was short-lived. When it ended, she shaved her head and started wearing long underwear and sweatpants and workboots. She made oh-so-clever puns involving variations of my name in the context of rubbing. I couldn't deal.
We talked briefly a few times, years later.
Posted Mon Oct 24 10:24:29 2005Scat
Ululation
Cavorting with no respect for brevity
Plight of the Native Americans
Plight of the Congolese
The relevance
Jazz spam
Spam jazz
Su-San
Slightly gothy
pseudo-French
cabaret
parody
oom-pah-pah
carnival
revue
Where's the calliope?
Tiny violin with a big sound
Teeth aglow
A tiny boy who had just learned to kiss without affection
To kiss as a form of payment
Magically pissed at loss
Ephemera or pretentious hot air?
A woman thought it would be a good idea to get her four-year-old daughter's ears pierced. Her four-year-old daughter indicated that she did not want her ears to be pierced.
I wondered how Child Protective Services would react if I called them up and told them that some woman was trying to mutilate her daughter against her will.
Posted Mon Oct 24 15:43:05 2005« The 80's are alive and well over there, » he observed.
« You're not picking up chicks, » I asserted.
« Yeah, » she replied, « They're too old for me. »
Posted Tue Oct 25 10:13:04 2005And a Game Boy symphony crashes into space
The hipsters hanging upside down
That guy's German accent is utterly base
He's a bit of a clown
Still you refuse to be traced
To me it seems such a waste
And that Halo dance troupe's got a feel that's bittersweet
And it's your face that I'm looking for on every street
Defanged arugula, and a mushroom in 酢
Entertainment with zeal
Motown singing
And a dance retinue
It was pretty surreal
Then it's time for a chug
In an Irish-style snug
And the rain clouds over Williamsburg
Explode without heat
And it's your face that I'm looking for on every street
We didn't expect to be forcibly subjected to Britney Spears. We didn't expect that guy to start stripping. We didn't expect him to create a large, modular, plastic mock phallus. We didn't expect him to employ the mock phallus in such a manner that would lead to what followed, and we didn't expect that products of his mock climax would shoot through the air at us.
Then again, I didn't expect everyone to start dancing to “Hey Ya”.
Posted Wed Oct 26 16:29:00 2005Joey, in a hilarious exposition about thread patterns, mentions k00ks, which reminds me of movie adaptations.
Every time “good” books get turned into movies or things one seems to call “miniseries” even when they aren't, deep, thoughtful critical analysis sparks discussions that I am somehow forced to endure.
« Oh my god, that was so wrong. The book was very specific about how many steps there were, and Peter Jackson just went and changed it for no reason. »
« There was a book? »
« That was good. It was exactly like the movie. »
« No, it wasn't. The book didn't have Dumbledore crossdressing, Hermione being a dirty little slut, and Harry sodomizing Hagrid and all the animals. »
« Well, it had the same feel. »
« What you have to do is not think of it as having anything to do with the book. Then you might enjoy it. »
« It's a movie. Enjoy the movie. It's a movie. »
« I can't believe they didn't do anything about Sunny's teeth. It's like Even Cowgirls Get The Blues, only botched in the opposite way. »
Then there's the fun game of sitting around and arguing about which adaptation of Dune is the worst: some version of the movie, or the SCI Fi Channel miniseries. Who ever thought that hats would enter into a discussion like that? Not I. I still have some hope for the 18-hour Italian version featuring Salvador Dali, assuming they can resurrect Dali and start making the movie again.
Speaking of the SCI Fi Channel and their high-quality programming, I made the mistake of watching Legend of Earthsea, a “miniseries” with two whole parts.
Don't worry about this movie wrecking the books for you; it bears little resemblance to the Earthsea books by Ursula K. LeGuin. Apparently Ursula noticed this too, because she complained about the adaptation. It looks to me that she's being far too kind. My guess is that they took a a few of the books, ripped out some random pages, shuffled them, and gave them to the people who made the “BeastMaster” TV show, with instructions that didn't make sense in any language.
The best part of this “miniseries” for me was the point at which I was screaming at the guy on the screen (who was obviously a Hampshire student at some point) to go back and get his hackeysack.
Now I read that they're going to take religion out of the His Dark Materials adaptation. As Kaki would say histrionically, « Kill me now. »
Posted Fri Oct 28 14:07:35 2005- Whose grave have you always wanted to visit?
- Why are there so many fat chicks at ren faires?
- Is it more ethical to shop at WalMart or steal from WalMart?
- Is there a book you have been trying to finish for years? If so, what is it, why can't you get through it, and why can't you give up on this book?
- A ten-year-old child reading a comic book should be ________
- What is your 怪癖?
- Do you have a favorite country? Why?
- Typical desert island stranding: what is your ideal rescue scenario?
- Without googling, do you know for what Rhysling Awards are given?
- How would you react to the following situation: You are walking down a quiet country road. Up ahead, lying in the dirt, is a little baby bird. Both its wings are broken. You have a hammer.
I'm told that the last question was plagiarized from The Doug Anthony All Stars.
Posted Fri Oct 28 17:59:08 2005Andres: That is a bad track record. You should move to a safer neighborhood, like Bushwick or Bed-Stuy.
Joey: I don't know what they've done to the Narnia script. My expectations were so low that I was thrilled to find out that they were doing The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe first instead of following the “new and improved” book ordering.
Last I heard, they were doing terrible, terrible things to Ender's Game.
Posted Fri Oct 28 20:21:22 2005Steve: I seem to remember that one can write a more functional HTTP server in fewer lines of Z-Shell code.
Benjamin: As I understand it, Orson Scott Card is the problem. I'm sure other people can point to examples in his writing which illustrate poor judgment; I will stick to the topic at hand. Orson Scott Card has reportedly expressed his belief that Jake Lloyd is a fine actor. Orscon Scott Card has expressed his wish that Jake Lloyd play Ender in the movie. In case you are reading this with some program that strips hyperlinks (be sure not to miss the changelog for version 1.5.7), I'll remind you that Jake Lloyd is the kid who played Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace.
If I recall correctly, Mr. Card was relieved to discover the high quality of child acting, because it meant that he wouldn't have to dumb down the story quite so much. I'm almost certain I heard that Peter and Valentine would be dropped entirely.
I cannot bear to go on.
Finally, the unifying theme between “HTTP Server” and Orson Scott Card is that, some time ago, Mr. Card attempted to co-author a novel with… the Internet.
Does anyone have a link for that?
Posted Fri Oct 28 22:32:56 2005Nearly a decade ago, ESR subscribed me to the fetchmail-friends mailing list without my permission.
I'm still on the damn list. Can you imagine what unsubscribing from a list that I've never subscribed to would say about me?
Posted Sat Oct 29 13:24:22 2005толстый кит in Middlesex: you got played. Also, do this.
Posted Sat Oct 29 16:01:56 2005Today's puzzle: See if you can find the zombie in this picture.
![[mmm... brains]](http://ximg.scru.org/images/shirtofthedead.jpg)
I was cruelly manipulated into reading “Three Ethical Moments in Debian” by Dr. B. I laughed. I cried. I was shocked.
I now regret not having read it while listening to Bit Shifter.
Posted Sun Oct 30 11:46:40 2005Og Maciel: When your children decide that they don't want to “eat their fibers”, you should beat them with a morningstar. If that doesn't head off the problem right there, you could try subjecting them to Bergen County's blue laws.
If you really want to be cruel, tell them that the word “snowclone” from this article is translated to French ici.
Posted Sun Oct 30 18:10:17 2005I've heard it said that listening to Leonard Cohen can turn one suicidal. I wouldn't know about that. What I do know is that I once listened to Benjy Eisen tell a story about encountering Cohen before a concert. The story ended with the words “all the time in the world”.
I note now that some people are comforted by having all the time in the world, and some people are burdened by the same. For someone who seeks out pain and suffering to distract one's self from one's deeper problems, eternity can be a curse. Luckily, I don't know anyone like that.
Posted Mon Oct 31 11:43:23 2005So I'm walking along, singing “He Wants You” by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds and some crackho drives by shrieking “Somebody Told Me” by The Killers and some schmuck in an ape mask grunts at me fiercely and I pass at least six unhappy little girls in similar little princess costumes and I see this girl sporting what I can only describe as, and this isn't entirely precise or accurate, a mohawk-mullet and I think to myself, « What would Romain Françoise say to that mohawk-mullet? »
Posted Mon Oct 31 18:17:41 2005